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Dark Amazon (2014) – Movie Review

Dark Amazon (2014) - Movie Review

Hello once again…and welcome to one of the the flattest, laziest Found Footage films I’ve seen. Shame really as everything was in place to provide a good experience.

I actually watched this film about two months ago with the view to including it here the next morning. Unfortunately I got so piss-bored sitting through the whole experience I couldn’t stomach writing a review on it…until now!

I know I’ve sort of given the game away early on in this review but I thought it would only be right to give you fair warning – I don’t really want to waste your time, especially with a bag of shite like this…

The Plot

The film follows a group of documentary makers who travel to the rain forest of Brazil to chase up a story on a breakthrough cancer cure. They want to capture the revolutionary discovery on film (and why not!).

Anyway, a bunch of research samples are mysteriously destroyed leading to a ton of supernatural sh#t invading the plot.

So you’ve got a documentary crew, in a dark forest, with supernatural things chasing them down…sounds pretty unique really doesn’t it? (sarcasm alert!)

Don’t Believe The Hype!

I’m fully aware that an unnamed website that seems to copy my every move has given this film three out of five stars but please, please, please don’t believe the hype – this is a lazy piece of sh#t that harbors no original ideas whatsoever.

If you are a hardened Found Footage fan you will find this experience a complete bore – believe me!

It tries it’s best – I’m going to give it that, but it ends up being so mundane it hurts.

At the time of writing this it has a score of 4.7 on IMDb from 97 views – rather generous really leading me to suspect family members of the cast and crew have jumped all over this opportunity.

Conclusion

I’m going to cut this review as short as possible because I’m already pissed off that I lost 81 minutes of my life sitting through this cardboard cutout of a movie.

Sometimes running this website can turn incredibly painful!

Okay, okay, the director, Darcyana Moreno Izel, has tried his (or is it a her?) best to come up with a worthy addition to the Found Footage genre but he/she has failed miserably.

If you don’t understand the full concept and power of Found Footage you really shouldn’t be f##king around with it in the first place!

I think the cinematography was probably the strongest part of the film and I’ll give that top marks. But…cinematography means Jack sh#t when the plot is disappearing up someone’s ass.

Unfortunately the filmmaking crew have also decided to include background music through certain sections of the movie…which pretty much kills off any lingering realism it had to begin with!

The acting side of things was not as bad as the plot and the direction…thankfully. The lead group of Mina Olivera, Don Jeanes and Michelle Taylor did okay with the limited tools they were given.

It’s never nice having to underline how tedious a Found Footage film is but I’m like you at the end of the day – I’m a fan and I don’t want to waste my time watching mediocre shite…which is what this turned out to be!

Don’t believe the hype and take it from a Found Footage addict – this could have been a LOT better than it was.

Not gonna recommend it.

Chris

16 Comments

  1. I wasted time on this one myself a while back. A scene early in the film were the guys face changes for a split second while he’s dancing seemed promising, but of course the movie totally failed to deliver. Talk about a missed oportunity as far as the great location goes. Anyway. I watched the last season of American Horror Story last week and the second half was just and orgy (oh, well) of mockumentary and found footage. Nothing ground braking, but still interesting. Have a look if you haven’t seen it.

    • I’ve only watched the first season of American Horror Story so far…and that sucked ass pretty bad! I know it’s really popular but I just don’t ‘get’ the style of it all. I’ll give that last season a go though – now that I know it’s FF. Cheers for the heads up John 🙂

      • Thanks for the heads up Chris. As far as AHS I only watched seasons 1 and 2 and part of 3. The second one was the best and weirdest of the ones I watched (Asylum). Part 3 started promising then I lost interest. I haven’t watched any of the following seasons since Jessica Lange is no longer with the show anyway. IMO she was the soul the show besides excellent work by some of the other regular cast members.

        • Jessica Lange is no longer with the show? Didn’t realize that – she was actually the only shining point in the first season (great actress).

          • Yes, she was replaced by someone just about the same caliber, “Lady Gaga”. Yeah…right…..well, at least they kept Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett. Besides, Sarah Paulsen is an excellent regular as well. It’s hard to get back to a TV show once you stop watching though. I wanted to check out this latest season but I keep putting it off.

  2. Gaga’s character was quite prominent in the last season, she looks great and her acting was ok. In the new one we see much less of her and she seems more out of place. Still I think AHS overall should have focused more on storylines and less on the “shocking” and arty visuals. Over all the series looks too much like an never ending Marilyn Manson video. Still I did enjoy it to a certain extent. Gotta stress the point that only the second half of the new season is mocumentary/FF, but it makes more sense if you watch the whole thing.

  3. I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that you also find American Horror Story to be a painful experience. The “style” appears to be nothing more than a rehashing of old ghost stories and historical spookiness that’s been shoehorned into a goofy overarching plot.

    I’m also as shocked as you are to hear that Lady Gaga was added to the mix. I couldn’t have imagined a more self indulgent and over the top individual to add to a self indulgent and over the top series.

    By the way, Keith. I thought season 2 was the one that revolved around a handful of angsty teenage witches. Did I actually watch three seasons of that abomination?

    • LOL – “Did I actually watch three seasons of that abomination?”

      That made me laugh Luther!

      I was more disappointed that they used such an enticing title for the series. When you hear the name ‘American’ Horror Story you think you are going to be onto a right winner. Unfortunately not…

      • I still don’t think it’s that bad for a tv-series. Sure, it could have been a lot better but at least the format makes it different from just watching regular a horror movie. And talking about horror movies, how about that new Blair Witch? I knew it was gonna be a dissapointment, but not to the degree it actually was.

        Would love to hear your opinion on it, Chris

        • Yeah I watched it about a month back but I’ve been busy updating the old reviews on this site – gotta keep in Google’s good books with the formatting etc.

          I actually quite liked it but they did seem to hit a cardinal sin with it – they showed (what is thought to be) the witch on a couple of occasions. I was also left a bit confused about the Bigfoot & UFO links they had throughout the film…

          Anyway I’m going to watch it again within the next couple of days and get it up on the site. I liked it…but there was disappointment there as well!

      • American Horror Story is an anthology series, which I’m sure you know. I don’t think you should judge the series as a whole when you’ve only seen the first season, especially when each season has an entirely new story with different characters and themes. And there are 6 seasons so far.

        It has also won plenty of Golden Globes and Emmy Awards, so it’s doing something right.

        • Sorry Lonnette, I’ve actually sat through the first three seasons now and it is by far the most trumped up horror I have ever come across. Seems like horror for the MTV generation. Can’t go any further – 3 seasons were painful enough…

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