The Ghosts of Crowley Hall is a 2008 Found Footage horror based on the typical UK ghost hunts you see plastered all over TV.
As you can probably tell from the tone of the sentence above this film was a little hard to sit through (an big understatement!)
Yeah I’m not going to hold back on this one because to be honest – this was a disgrace to the Found Footage genre!
Never in my life have I witnessed a film so pathetic!
The worst thing about it is that I’m British so you’d think I’d be a little biased towards it. No chance! We run a respectable site here and we cannot let people waste an hour and a half of their life on this crap.
UK Ghost Hunts
To be honest I had no idea UK ghost hunts were this pathetic. If there is anyone out there trying to make money out of this topic in the UK then this film has pissed all over your hopes and dreams.
Now, for the purposes of this site I have sat through many an awful Found Footage experience and it has, at times, been difficult.
This was a brand new experience for me – I felt like giving up on horror altogether. After watching the first twenty minutes of the film I felt like pouring acid into my eyes and ramming pencils into my eardrums.
To be honest I don’t really want to carry on with this review but I’ll try and give you some idea of the crap this film contains.
We have basically got a bunch of horrifically bad actors taking part in a seance and ghost hunt within a deserted building (I fail to recall what the building was…an asylum maybe….you know the type of shite!).
And that’s about it really!
Seriously that’s about it! They somehow manage to stretch the whole thing out for an hour and a half.
It’s one of those rare UK ghost hunts that needs basically no ghost hunting equipment and a bunch of overweight wasters sitting around a table (shaking it!).
Is This Real?
I have to be honest – the acting and cast were so poor I was in two minds whether it was real or not. Surely these people are just dickheads that live in their parents attics – surely they are taking this seriously and not acting?
The big cheese of this ghost hunting outfit is one of these wannabe rockers with a nasty little beard and a ponytail. Now I don’t want to persecute individuals on this site but who the **** thought it would be a good idea to put this fat git on the big screen?
He is easily the worst actor or character I have ever come across in a horror film.
In one part of the movie he actually takes on a spirit in an attempt to draw it out:
“what’s wrong with you are you scared?”
Seriously! That’s what he says in an attempt to get a response from a ghost! He challenges it by claiming the undead entity is scared….give me strength.
It all boils down to one question really – why?
Why would someone (director or producer) make this type of crap?
It’s not a waste of money obviously – there was sod all spent on the film anyway!
NOTHING happens in this film whatsoever. They might as well of just filmed a herd of cows in a field for 90 minutes.
The fat team leader and the brain dead female psychic are two people that should never of been put in front of a camera ( unless they were being shot! ).
What type of filmmaker thinks ‘hey these two are good – I’ll use them in a film’ and then follows through on it?
What type of filmmaker thinks ‘I’ve got nothing resembling a script but hey – I’ll make a film anyway!’ and then follows through on it?
What type of filmmaker had the balls to put my eyes and ears through this shit for a full 90 minutes?
Don’t….just don’t. Sell your soul to the devil, take a trip to Iraq, walk naked through the streets of London….do anything except watch this!
There’s no point me summing up all the bad points in the film because EVERYTHING is bad. There is nothing impressive and nothing worthwhile. It is a disgrace!
I still have no idea if the group were ‘real’ or not. If UK ghost hunts are this bad then I suggest staying well away from them. I suppose you could check online if this was supposed to be a serious actual documentary but personally – I don’t care!
I’m off to watch Grave Encounters again to remind myself there is hope for this genre!