The Pigman Murders (2013) – Movie Review

The Pigman Murders (2013) - Movie Review

Came across this little Irish ditty about a fortnight ago but I decided to give myself a couple of weeks to digest it properly.

When the end credits rolled my first impression was “that was sh#t!” – so I thought I’d be fair and give it some time to settle on me – maybe watch it again from a different viewpoint.

Yeah…that didn’t help.

What The F##k is That?

My main problem with this film may seem a little fickle but I have to be honest – it bugged me from start to finish…

I just couldn’t shake the feeling that the main actor should’ve been sitting on a polka dot toadstool with a fishing rod in his hand. I don’t want to sound mean but man did he look like a gnome!

Once I had that thought in my head it was impossible to remove it – every time I saw him I thought ‘Gnome! Gnome! Gnome!’.

To make matters worse this was a Found Footage film that required a lot of speaking directly into the camera – his close-ups didn’t really help matters much.

Now, I’m not the type of person that thrives on taking the piss out of people’s looks…but this guy really did crawl his way into my brain and remain there throughout!

The Plot

A group of mates decide to go on a trip to Connemara, Co. Galway, to pay a sort of tribute to their mate who had died the year before.

They hire a professional cameraman to come along for the ride as they want they whole ‘expedition’ to be documented for their dead friend’s family ( strange gift but all the same… ).

So they end up in the woods in Connemara where they bump into a half naked guy covered in blood.

He warns them that three masked men have kidnapped his girlfriend…but they are all stuck out in the wilderness and their cell phones have lost signal ( of course! ).


Well, this was not a very good film…no matter what angle you try and take it from!

For the most part it was a slow burn but the director, Stephen Patrick Kenny, completely forgot about the build needed to create an atmosphere.

For long periods of the film we are treated to this group of Irish lads banging on about their dead mate – I mean come on…get over it!

I will admit that they have tried their hardest to put a feeling of camaraderie in there to keep things real.

But all this resulted in most of the time was unlikable lads having a quick fight for no particular reason ( Seriously…why were they fighting? ).

Unfortunately the climax feels quite underwhelming and the ‘Pigman’ killers were not really intimidating at all ( one would think that a pig face mask is frightening within itself…apparently not! ).

The final few scenes seemed to completely run out of guts ( excuse the pun! ). It’s as if they didn’t really storyboard any of it…and just gave up!

It felt like the whole thing had been glued together from start to finish – it didn’t once feel like it had been scripted or directed properly.

The characters were unlikable and therefore the majority of conversations going on just wash over you. I was pretty happy when they started being sliced into burgers ( the world ain’t gonna miss this bunch of wankers! ).

I wish I could say that the film showed some signs of promise here and there but not once did I feel I was in for a mad ride.

When you add the strange gnome actor into the equation…you ain’t left with much!

Not that good I’m afraid!

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  1. “Seriously…why were they fighting?”
    They’re Irish! (And I say that as someone who’s part Irish! )
    Thanks, I’ll avoid this!

    • Haha that made me laugh – I was thinking that but I was never going to say it Cal ( I’m Welsh and it wouldn’t have gone down well!!!! )

  2. “Gnome! Gnome! Gnome!” hahahhahaha Chris, you’re mean… But i have to say, this review makes me curious, i’ll go after this just to see if i feel the same way… And the campaign continues: please, make a list of your top 10 found footages of 2015!!! \o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

    • LOL I will Christian – been snowed under my Xmas arrangements at the moment ( got a backlog of about 12 reviews to get through! ).

  3. I did not enjoy this one.. Seemed to just drag on..and on..The villain attack segments lacked any kind of intensity and the rest was boring as well. You should be able to find PA Ghost dimension online by now. Interested to see what u think of that one. Also American hero was quite fun (mocckumentary stylez), think you’ll enjoy it 🙂

    • I tried watching the Ghost Dimension the other night but the streaming service was sh#t – will attempt it again over Xmas now! I have heard of American Hero but I didn’t realize it was a mockumentary format!

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